They were 20,000 metres up in the sky, flying like the Hawks they were. On route to Samoa, they were boozy. The catholic club were in a borrowed fitted out Airbus from the Vatican. They were the only Rugby club in the world to be fully funded by the church. It had all the trimmings. Gold was everywhere, velvet seats, even a prayer cushion that was made from pure camel hide. They were of course going to spread the word of Rugby, to star player Va's homeland.
The dress for the trip, of course was fancy. O'brien was wearing his Unicorn outfit, a horn placed squarely in the middle of his head. Blubba Coleman was dressed as a pappa seal, Travis, as mamma seal. Harry Rainbow, sat on a pot of gold, the south African was dressed as a leprechaun, hugging it. Everyone was drinking from the bucket tied to Wells' leg. The worst part was it was actually "slops' " bucket. Vaa out, it was a state never witnessed by such holy people. The cabin crew, all part of his eminences personal entourage.
The cardinal in charge was worried. He had never seen such debauchery. What were the two girls "lemons" had brought along as his costume doing. The captain who wasn't in fancy dress but wearing a halo none the less was calm. The cardinal shook his head despairingly. His blue gown shaking with his head. Looking back at the rabble which was Hamilton. " What shall we do captain."
"Look your holiness, its ok, it could've been Wanderers." The Captain looked at the cardinal. He seemed more perturbed by the statement.
"If it were Wanderers, I could of actually enjoyed it." With that the cardinal gave the captain a wink, wink.
"I thought the new pope has outlawed all that nonsense sir." spoke the captain.
"Only with minors, captain, only with minors." The cardinal spoke wisely as if he was privy to all the popes decisions.
"Miners, that would mean, you mean Singleton sir? Wanderers are the ones with the limp wristed line outs. If you get my drift" The captain looked proud of his local knowledge of Newcastle Rugby. He was in fact Italian and had heard of the competition through the ever supportive NSW Waratahs website. He loved how they supported Rugby Union in the country.
Suddenly the cardinal stormed up the isle. "Who is in charge here. I demand to know. This is disgusting behaviour."
The male seal stepped forward and put up his fin. "Me." He burped, and it came out like a seal begging for fish. "We are coming over to Samoa, the land of Va, to promote Rugby. To give to the villages and the people, what Rugby has given to us. We, the Hamilton Hawks, will soar in this plane to the village of Va, who has given us so much over the last few years, including his right knee."
"I cannot accept this behaviour. This Rugby, its no excuse. You must leave the plane immediately."
"All of us?" Blubba the seal was confused. They were mid air over the mid pacific now. all rolling drunk.
" No, just you, the leader, you must be crucified." The cardinal became menacing.
"That's a bit ironic isn't it?" The unicorn O'brien spoke up now."Isn't this whole religion based on not crucifying someone for their mistakes. We may be a catholic Rugby club, but I don't understand your garbage."
"The catholic church, like the unicorn is a myth. Like your whole Rugby game too apparently.The fat one must die." All of a sudden, the cardinal lept at Blubba with the strength of an Ox. They rolled around the isles for a while, until the cardinal broke free of the seal. Blubba ran at the cardinal, which was hard in his seal costume and the cardinal, opened the hatch, forcing Blubba out into the open space. They heard his voice wailing for a while until it went silent. Then a horrific splash, that made even the plane move.
All went quiet on the plane that night. Not for Blubba, but because they new that this would cause considerable damage and wreck millions of lives. A Tsunami hit Samoa and the surrounding Islands that night. The men of Hamilton went on though. Still touching the lives of so many in these tiny Islands. Spreading the good word of Rugby.
So, when we're all out, hanging from the rafters on this long weekend, celebrating the extra day off, Remember those Hawks, over in Samoa, helping with the relief. Helping the people. Giving back to Va, with the same amount of effort and enthusiasm he has given to their club over the passed few years.
Please note that the Hamilton trip will still be going this weekend. If you see any Hawks before you leave, wish them well and congratulate them for not canceling their trip to a country in a time of need. Rugby bonds people together and their time over their will forever be remembered by the local communities. Well done Hawks, and that's why Blubba is coach of the year.
Forward this blog to anyone involved in Rugby. The green hornet will be trying to get the NHRU and NSWRU to start an appeal to help the people of Samoa. Your involvement will only make this cause stronger.
(Blubba Coleman, didn't really cause this disaster, however he gave permission for the article.)
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Good to see your back Hornet. Where can we send money for donations? Everyone needs to get behind this. Funny article too.
ReplyDeleteWe will send back some photos for you Hornet if you want, spreading the good word of rugby.
ReplyDeleteAny one wanting to donate rugby clothing etc for the trip can contact me and I will try and fit it in for the trip over. Big Dog
ReplyDeletewhere can we contact you?
ReplyDeleteWhy not approach a sporting store/company to donate a bunch of rugby balls?
ReplyDeleteBig Dog, i gotta couple of balls from The Greens second grade but you have to give them to the villagers & not look for the magic cause it won't rub off on you guys. Seriously though i do have a few to send, i'll see Lemons down the beach.
ReplyDeleteNice effort to support these communities.That club full of Islanders who they kicked out of the comp have been sending gear,jerseys,footballs etc to the Pacific Islands for years.If you ever visit Fiji around the Naviti resort do yourselves a favour and watch the local Blue Dolphins team playing in their resplendant Easts jerseys.Great style of rugby to watch too.Good on the Hawks and the local rugby community for supporting our neighbours and my/our thoughts go out to all those effected by this trgedy.
ReplyDeleteyou are an inconsiderate idiot. no wonder everyone hates you and your club.
ReplyDeleteSorry if i caused offence. I want to create awareness and help raise money for Samoa, which is a beautiful part of the world. If you read the thing properly, you'll find this is the case.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeletesorry Francis to risque
ReplyDeleteSorry, I thought everyone knew how to get into contact with the waterboy from the Hawks. Call 0410263580 if you have something for us to take over. We leave the sunnyside at 10am Friday. Big Dog (aka Bobby Boucher)
ReplyDeleteHornet while all your posts in general are usually devoid of any humour I'm afraid this time your blog is both unfunny and insensitive.Sure it's great to bring awareness about the tsunami to the attention of Newcastle Rugby supporters,but on this occasion that would have been sufficient.To try and make light of this tragedy by using fat jokes and religion I feel oversteps the mark and would be regarded as offensive and cruel to these deeply religious people who have had their lives,families and villages destroyed in such tragic circumstances.
ReplyDeleteWell done hornet... Well done hawks.. the website is in jest.. however if blubba does fall out of the plane in the pacific - there is a book that he will become a chief of the village immediately... he will become newcastle's 1st official village idiot - completed by his very own lady boy...!! Go hawks - spread the word and enjoy the trip... The benefit is for newcastle rugby as they spread the word of a place where islanders can come and play good footy...
ReplyDeleteEnglish fast bowler,yes the website is in jest and the requests for assistence are commendable,however neither the story nor the subject matter are humorous.Put yourself in these peoples position,I have friends who still have not been able to contact relatives due to the devastation of infastructure.How would you like to read this attempt at humour not knowing whether your family has survived?
ReplyDeleteNot funny!
ReplyDeleteNice sentiment for the Hawks to continue their trip and "help out" but I am afraid a couple of old footies from Carlton isn't really what they need at this stage.It is also too early for rebuilding at this stage the only real option is first aid and the gruesome job of searching for and retrieving bodies.Speaking from experience this is not a pleasant experience and not something you would like to do without suitable training and resources.
ReplyDeleteBuddy in all seriousness this is somewhat humorous as all of your posts are but you've over stepped the mark. There are some things you don't joke about and a tsunami that has killed so many and even relatives of those in the newcastle rugby community is one of them. Stick to rugby, although i would argue you to steer clear of that as well because although funny, you fair dinkum have no idea about the game.
ReplyDeleteWhile all of you sit back and find nothing better to do than bag my efforts in trying to raise money and relief for the people of samoa, take some time out and see what you are actually doing. Some people have emailed me some great constructive suggestions which I am following up today.
ReplyDelete1)Start a clothing bin at NHRU to send over via the government for relief.
2)Start a bank account so we can donate money and use for specific projects
3)Donate money to Ausaid, the governments aid arm, to help the samoans plight.
So while all you knockers sit back and worry about simple words, think about the fact that someone is actually doing something, rather than sitting on their computer doing absolutely sweet naff all. How about some positive suggestions to back up the positive decision the Hawks have made to continue their trip.
Something for you drones to consider:
ReplyDeleteDear Green Hornet,
Thank you for your offer of assistance to help provide clothing/money for those affected by the Tsunami in Samoa.
Please have a look at the following website which outlines the best and most effective way for you to help.
http://www.acfid.asn.au/what-we-do/humanitarian-emergencies/how-can-i-help
Once again, thank you for your offer of assistance, and interest in the Australian Aid Program.
Kind Regards,
InfoAusAID
Hornet well, done and its obvious you are trying to do something. More people need to be proactive like you to help. Well done.
ReplyDeleteWell done hornet for trying to create awareness. Your detractors are missing the point that this is actually a serious article, and I think you let yourself off in the last few paragraphs. well done to hamo for continuing their trip. Have you contacted the NHRU, to see if they will lend you any support.
ReplyDeletegod there are some fuckwits on this blog, hornet can you block them from making comments, as they clearly dont fucking get it. read the whole story homos, its clear to me there from uni or poons, wake up to yourselves and donate
ReplyDeleteI get it and Chink in the armour I think you are missing the point.Many people are doing something about the disaster and helping in different ways,the story about Blubba was not funny and not needed.A simple request(similar to the last paragraph) for those able to help to do so was all that was needed,not the other drivel.
ReplyDeleteHornet nobody here is bagging your efforts to raise money and relief and you are doing a great job.What people are complaining about is your (unsuccessful)efforts to use humour to raise awareness of a tragic situation that has resulted significant loss of life.It is all well and good to put a reply up from the Australian Aid Program to justify your attempts at humour but it is obvious that you contacted them.They didn't stumble upon your blog and contact you to thank you for your insensitive story.
ReplyDeleteWhat you are trying to achieve is great,however I can understand those who feel the initial way you have tried to use humour to explain the situation was uncalled for and insensitive.
Well, I'm just glad paople are talking about it, and hopefully willing to donate, the whole point of the story was to show that in adversity Hamilton club is still willing to go and help. I'm sure people laughed at a few Michael Jackson Jokes, or a few Princess Di jokes, humour sometimes heals. I put the letter up to show that I have actually been proactive about doing something, rather than be in the minority and complain, sit on my backside and do nothing, like the few people wishing to comment. By all means email me on greenhornetsnest@gmail.com if you wish to complain further, if not leave it out and lets try and concentrate on raising money and awareness.
ReplyDeleteI actualy spoke to Blubba before I wrote the article and a few officials/players from Wanderers, Merewether and Hamilton have made it clear they will be supporting a joint cause to raise money which will be announced by next week. My heart does sincerely go out to those who have suffered in this tragedy, and I for one will be actively trying to help these people throught this. What about you????
Again, email me on greenhornetsnest@gmail.com to tell me how you can do things better. Thanks.
I agree. No one would have thought to do anything as pro active as this and I believe the board should support this. The article was like a ship steering for the rocks but got away from trouble and good on him for creating awareness.
ReplyDeleteit made me laugh and now I want to donate. where do I sign up??
ReplyDelete