Friday, September 18, 2009

GRAND FINAL DAY - The Match

Merewether Carlton V Wanderers. Having just won five grades, the premier ones, with their backs against the wall, down by seven with 3 to go. They got out of jail in the major semi, can they do it again. Suddenly, a back line movement from deep in there own twenty sees Sam Clifton streak away only to be pulled down ten metres out by the usually slow Luke Simmons. In what looks to be there last shot, Clifton magically pops the ball to Princehorn who is the only forward not out on his feet, this can only be put down to healthy living and good lifestyle choices.

He has no one in front of him, the ten metres to run seems like 100, Simes is chasing him, after being made to look like the french defending the Somme, he is desperate. He grabs Princehorn By the waist, but the momentum of Princehorn takes him over the line, in the corner, with the barest of margins. The green hill, it seems has chased the play toward the line urging him over. Simes is up first. A brain snap? Yes, it seems has kicked princehorn in the head. The crowd which is in the corner, boos and jeers. Al Quaterman, the games new no. 1 whistle blower signals a try. Then a red Card, then a penalty try. The crowd erupts.

Gilmour, who has been shaky with the boot all day, missing 3, is unusually calm. A sledge comes from the token Wanderer on the green hill. He has been giving it to the crowd all day, stirring them like the minestrone soup his mum used to make, his italian fuelled comments have been particularly nasty to Greek boy Bertsos, who after an injury cloud has settled, then lifted his team. Wanderers have played all over Merewether all day, seem to have lost the match.

Gilmour turns to face the sledger."Fifty on it." The crowd hushes.

"Your on mate." Another mistake. As he has done so all year, he is happy to take the money off the wanderer, who now seems as lost as his club with no suburb. Everyone on the hill knows gilmour only kicks well for money. He strolls back casually. Lines the ball up. Strikes it. It is fading away to the right of the far post. The crowd is silent. Miraculously, the swing reverses and shaves the inside of the post. Its shades of Gus in 77.

The ground announcer is drowned out by the noise of the crowd. Its now 27 all, with the penalty to come. Something is wrong with Gilmore. He is clutching his hamstring. Maybe he has caught the condition from Bertsos? He signals that he can't take the kick. Barney McKenzie, the man who has single handily taken the breakdown back, after a poor first half by all the forwards puts his hand up.

With the game in the balance, It was his skills at the breakdown, that willed his forwards to be tough once again. The penalty is in front. Mckenzie pushes Creighton out of the way and grabs the ball. He doesn't quite get these young kids. You can feel that he is of the belief, that if you want something done, do it yourself. He lines it up, end over end. There is no round the corner with this one. It is a toe punt. He strikes it perfectly and it sails over. 30 - 27. Merewether.

The kick off comes to Carlton. Its short and straight to Dan Garner. He hears the siren. He sees the sideline, shapes to kick. He dummies and makes a beeline for the sideline. His body, looking like it has been stung by a bee, gets him there. His captaincy inspirational, by not backing his ability with ball to boot he has won his second Grand Final. The fence is broken as 20 000 Carlton supporters rush the field. Its six from six. Its unbelievable. Its a fairytale.

Feel free to comment on how you see the game panning out.Will Simes really have a brainsnap, or will it be Kevil? Will gilmore miss his kicks, who knows. Will Carltons forwards turn up all match, or will Aston be aclimatised to a 30 degree day and make his men show up? In any case it should be an unbelievable day. Here are the official teams.

Wanderers
1. Simon Yanis - Sounds more like the fourth tenor than an Rugby player. The heat will help him lose even more weight.
2. Nick Watson - "Dildo" must think about his lineouts before his nickname.
3. Nick Crosskill - Will he be wearing his bra today?
4. Rhys hitchcock - A good Wanderers name, however, he is a bit of a mystery
5. Luke Gibson - Good breeding, will be looking to do it for Jack.
6. Rob Aston - Where does a Pom keep his wallet? Under the soap. Lets just hope he showers after a day in the heat, which he hates. Will turn from transperant to red. Hope he takes his brick.
7. Corey te Koeti - Surprised to see the trophey for most Anderson medal points was named after him
8. Dan kevil - "Please come and play Dan, you could have been great." Those were the words that wooed the loose cannon back to the game by coach Beckett(nee Thompson)
9. Warren Randell - His favourite ball is the 'worm burner,' It was also coach Thompson's(nee Beckett's)
10. Julian Morton - The worst kept secret. Nice guy Julian Morton is set to add experience to a young back line.
11. Montgomery Simes II - Can be Volitile. Will probably lose the match.
12. Scott Herman - Tony Hermans cousin is also overated. he even runs the same.
13. Gideon Lambrchts -????
14. Luke Simmons - Possibly the slowest winger in the competition
15. Paul Mlotkowski - From the rich part of Poland. He can run, and is the most dangerous in this backline.

Merewether Carlton
1. Dylan Evans - The 19 year old bully,, has satisfied the quota for Merewether Carltons "two ginga per team" system
2. Dan Garner - Taken over the captaincy and arse from Jamie Lind. Done a fine job at both.
3. Josh Gain - "Metres" gained will benefit from being bald in the humid day.
4. Barney Mackenzie - Wheres the asylum??
5. Eddie Macdonald - The red head was a late comer to the team, contrary to the belief that red heads are double comers.
6. Rowan Garner - Looks slow but thinks quick.
7. Adam Princhorn - The cleanskin enjoys a healthy lifestyle and has recently commited to jode roaches no carbs after dark diet.
8. Lucas Dubyk - The German will be going after the pole.
9. James Bertsos - Hopefully will be the second "Jimmy the Greek" to win a premiership with Carlton.
10. Sam Gilmore - The former nemesis of Hamilton, can now be the nemesis of Wanderers. Has never lost a Grand Final while on the field
11.Brodie Duncan - Comes in for Billy coffee who has pulled a bicep. They are massive.
12. Mick Gill - Unfortunately Aiden Kelso has taken up a post working for Unicef in Sudan.
13. Jay Strachan - This kid is full of himself. Why not, he is a bumblebee at heart.
14. Sam Clifton - He is on Ben Finnies weights program. Will dominate with size.
15. Blake Creighton - How he gets away from playing the AFL kid on Neighbours to play Rugby is amazing.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

NSWRU's role in Newcastle Rugby

The Hornet is well connected as most readers know. I have recently been liaising with the Waratahs media manager to try and get a bit more done for Country Rugby. Apparently he is on job share at the moment because of the dire financial state of the NSWRU, according to reports in the the Sydney Morning Herald. He must be quite pressed for time as he has failed to respond to my final email.

I have, for your pleasure posted the transcript under this paragraph. There is also a poll for all to vote on at the bottom of the page, to see if the Waratahs should send a representative down to help celebrate the NHRU grand final day. It is easilly the largest sporting event for Rugby in decades, with the two fiercest rivals playing in it. Not since 1980 has this been seen in the top grade. To cap it off for the Waratahs surely they should acknowledge the record breaking 6 grades in the Grand Final by Merewether Carlton.

Waratahs Media Manager
Hi there,

Could you please take me off your distribution list.

Cheers,
Brett

green hornet


Brett,

I certainly can , although I have had about 4000 hits to the site this week, which is about 3900 more than you have. Why doesn't NSWRU want to support whats good for Country Rugby. I can certainly write about your team if you'd like. It may even help get the crowds to Homebush stadium which is pretty much in the country anyway...

Surely being a media manager you are interested in all aspects of Rugby in NSW?

Regards,

green hornet

Waratahs Media Manager

Hornet,

Firstly, your reference to our website hits is unbelievably inaccurate.

Secondly, NSW Rugby supports Country Rugby which I’m sure the Union’s Executive Director and President would agree with. On top of that, I, as the Media Manager am also interested and regularly follow what is happening throughout the Country Zones, throughout NSW Suburban Rugby, Juniors, Schools, Women’s and Under 85kg Rugby.

Thirdly, this year’s Super 14 match at ANZ Stadium – which is far from the country; Homebush is in fact in the geographical centre of Sydney – drew the biggest Super 14 crowd in Australia by more than 4000.

Hornet – I had come across your blog before I started receiving your releases, and will no doubt continue to return to it in the future. As mentioned earlier, I regularly visit Rugby blogs and forums, in particular those related to NSW Rugby and not just Super 14 or Sydney Club Rugby. And while I will continue to visit yours and these sites, I do not need to be on your media distribution list.

Good luck on the weekend.

Cheers,
Brett

green hornet

Brett,

Accuracy was never my strong point, a bit like Kurtly Beales kicking. Hopefully we can both improve.

I'm glad to see you keep on top of the different zones. Because I am a hornet do you think I could get a run in the under 85 kilo match? The executive director and president agreeing on something must be a first as I have heard that, in the past, there is quite a bit of infighting in your boardroom. It will be good to see them both there in full capacity at no.1 sportsground, Newcastle, parry st, Saturday week, to watch probably some of the best young talent on display, in the NHRU premier 1,Grand final. Who knows, half back James Bertsos may even get picked up as reserve half back for your team. Hes pretty rad. Rad is short for radical, and if Bertsos was a surfer, not a Rugby player, he would probably be known as fully rad.

Speaking of geographical centres, did you know Tottenem, NSW is the village closest to the geographical centre of the state? Maybe NSW could build a stadium there and play. They could even invite Tottenem Hotspurs to play some friendlies there to help with revenue.It would probably be easier to get to as well.. Although it is on the Bogan river, and us being Rugby fans, we don't associate with Bogans, so i would understand if you chose not to re locate.

I am happy to take you off the list.I didn't know you were such an avid reader. My favourite Author is Tim Winton. Maybe I could even do an interview on you. Feel free to comment in the comments section. You could maybe even have the handle "Media Baron," I'd like that. One last thing, I am looking for sponsors for my site. If you can give me $100,000, I would gladly put you down for one of my third tier sponsorship packages. Let me know!!!

Good luck on the weekend

green hornet.

It was here were the communication broke up. Although, I do like his politeness in refering to me as "Hornet." I feel as though, the big issues I raised haven't quite been answered by Brett. Feel free to comment whether or not you feel that the waratahs should in some way acknowledge the NHRU grand final and support country Rugby. In no way does this article have any affiliation with the NHRU or its associated clubs. Don't forget to vote in the poll.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Finals Week 4. The awards night.

"Well I'll be buggered," the words of president Phil Payne certainly rang true, even if he was smiling when he said it. It was certainly the second best speech of the night, after the two time Jack Scott Medal winner from Singleton's prepared speech. In the second tie for the week, Tom Shannon, Dan Keival, and Moese M all took home the major award. Apparently, Shannon could have wrapped the award up for himself after the last round fixture after being best on the ground, however the referee in charge deemed he was not the fairest so was awarded no points.

Shannon probably deserved the medal outright and my sympathy goes out to him. Not only for the referee's inept decision at the end of the year, more because he is bald at such a young age. It was clear that his backside got all his hair when he proceeded to do naked push ups toward the end of the night in the starlight room. It has now been renamed to the Starfish room.

This also begs to ask the question, should the NHRU look at a different point scoring system, where they combine the referees points with opposition coaches or captains. Not taking anything away from the winners of the medal, but for two many years, teams from lower performing clubs have featured in the medal race at the end of the year. The trophy which awards the spread of medal points to the club with the highest amount was also drawn with Merewether and Wanderers. Jim Thiveos' cousin from Wanderers, dressed as a bus conductor was the highlight of my night.

Coach of the year, Blubba Coleman was graceful in accepting his "popularity award." Speaking to him, he was a little embarrassed and said in his own words that Aaron Thompson should have won the award. Maybe the referees should vote on this award instead as Coleman certainly wouldn't have won it for the second year in a row. Personally I would have like to have seen former NSW origin candidate Steve "the Swede" Dunstan take home the award. Just for the Bay to have such a high calibre coach on their side to guide them to last was a feat in itself.

Awards night's are usually pretty boring affairs, but general manager, Fenton' Couhl's speech certainly livened things up at the end. Thanking more people than Luke Kermode, Fenton's professionalism was on full show and he certainly wasn't "buggered" by any means. I would personally like to thank him for including me in the media which he thanked. Hopefully one day I can get a mug like Mike Rabbit, who is apparently also available for debutant balls and barmitsfa's.

Moving on to the business end of my column, I now present you with the first annual "Hornet Hive Achievement Awards."

The Luke Troy Self Improvement Award - Named after the king of self improvement this award is presented to Monty Simes. He wins the award after a nomination from his brother Dorian. Dorian tells me Monty wants to move out of the Wanderers club and play for either Merewether or Uni next year. For everyone this side of glebe rd, lets hope its uni. He is the standout candidate for self improvement, maybe he'll change that pompous name of his too.

The Tim Chidgy Level 2 coach of the year - Tim wanted to award this trophy to himself. The hornet had to remind him that he didn't actually have the qualifications to win the award. the award then went to Kurt Banks of Merewether's 5th grade. With probably the toughest job in getting a full team on the park each week, Banks has once again made the GF with his team of lower grade has beens. Its hard being at the bottom when 6 grades are on top.

The Newcastle Wildfires Team of the year - In a toss up between Southern Beaches, Wanderers and Merewether Carlton, Merewether win by a nose. Thus far they have won the big games, but have to prove it in the big one. Wanderers look like a team in turmoil at the moment, with no no. 10 to take them home. Southern Beaches will improve next year and make the semi finals. However, Merewether win hands down.

The Hornet Hive Player of the Year - This was taken from a poll of coaches who mattered at last nights medal night. Most coaches agreed Jay Strachan was the flashiest in the comp, Tom Shannon the most bald and versatile, and Dan Keival the most intimidating and stupid, however all agreed that,"that Merewether Breakaway" was easilly the most dominating in the competition. All coaches found him impossible to plot against and he has carried Merewethers chances through the second half of the season. Most said the biggest problem was they didn't know who he was. The former fullback who couldn't see, the man who can fix your irrigation as well as your breakdown is the inaugural winner of the Hornet hive player of the Year - Adam Princehorn.

Feel free to add awards or comments as to who you believe are the better players or teams. Yes, Merewether has dominated the first annual awards, but 6 grades gives them the kudos to do so.

Monday, September 14, 2009

The Finals Week 3. The analysis

Winners by Default. A draw was enough to get the merry men from Sherwood forest home, oh it hurts to be Hamilton. It must also hurt to be Sherwood as he is out for the big one with a broken leg. The only fortunate thing is he didn't do it stupidly playing indoor soccer, like Hamilton's Crozier, he did it putting a foot up Monty Simes' backside after he shot his mouth off at coach Theckett after the game.

Getting back to Crozier, Hamiltons back line organiser, Coleman had to contend with a re shuffled back line. This time, no aces were drawn and he had to stick with Paul Dan at no. 10. His decision making skills in the last portion of the match cost them the game. Coleman himself should have put himself in at no. 10 toward the end. Wells, who is brilliant individually, but can't pass, should have been brought closer to the action. Dan became a speed hump for the back row of the Wanderers.Surely all coaches have the aptitude to close out a game which was dominated by the aging forward pack of Hamilton.

Wanderers certainly were anything but winners. A flawed finals system saw them win by default. They have now not won a game in the finals series, and will be in serious doubt with Sherwood out. Apparently his leg was snapped in 152 different places.Maybe they should bring back Jeremy Sergent, former lower grade Grand Final hero, as they certainly don't have many other options floating around in their lower grades.

The game proved to be an anti climax, with no clear winner on the day. Maybe Merewether could play Hamilton in one half and Wanderers in the second half. Maybe they could pick a Hamilton Wanderers rep team to take on the green wave. Wanderers have essentially been rewarded for being the most consistent team all year, and if the game did have an extra time component, its hard to see Hamilton's aging pack being able to get their legs moving after the final whistle for another half of Rugby.

The only ones happy with the result will be the board and the NHRU. The games two fiercest rivals look set to play to a crowd of about 100,000 come grand final day. Townson will bring itself to no. 1, with Carlton having every grade in the Grand Final. 6 Teams and one hill, converging in on the No.1 sports ground. Lets hope the board get it right and hire that same Carlton bus - bar that was used for the AFL grand final at the same venue.

If Wanderers get half the support Merewether do to the game, I will be impressed. For Merewether, there is nothing better than supporting your team, your suburb. For Wanderers, a team lost and confused for so long, it will be the biggest gathering for gay pride since mardi gras, the San Fransisco marches and the village people rolled into one. A band called Ween, once sang - "All the colours of the Homo Rainbow," this weekend, all those colours are blue on blue.